My fears..

Some ppl, I assume get bored with being with the same person all the time, it's not because they don't love them, it's just somethings missing, the sparks have died ,sometimes you need a little inspiration else where, like going back to school for a little refresher course, back to basic.
  I love ppl, filtrating is normal Innocent, harmless, and it's fun, I also like having sex, it depends on the day or the month, sometimes it's all I think about and other times I could care less, but a good conversation some touching, and cuddling is great,
 ppl have different needs, but when you get to experience those needs, it's self rewarding, the only problem is when you go into these meaningless encounters with your heart.
 I try my best to block my feelings, but I can't help someone falling in love with me, one particular sensitive man, your company is great, I do miss hanging out with you, that one scene in the hotel in the east, was so much fun, and then we had lunch...you are everything a girl could dream of...but you could never be mine, I'm not saying we can't have fun sometimes, and shopping although I hate it passionately, you make it fun you always have me smiling, I'm like a little school girl next to you, I can't look at you with a straight face. I'm shy, so not my character, I'm out spoken on the phone, but I do have feeling like everyone else, we will have another time of complete ecstasy.
 But now I'm developing feeling for the girl in the mirror, I'm trying hard to put them aside but there is something about her smile the way she looks at me, makes me completely uninhibited, which is uneasy with me because everything about me is always calculated, and the unknown scares me I suppose that's my greatest fear..
 I've never been rejected, or left so I don't know what that feels like, since I've been dating at 15 I've never been single, I guess it's because I'm afraid of being alone, second fear.
 my third fear is failure.
I do get bored in my relationships which is why I venture, I love the one I'm with, maybe the reason things are good now with my boyfriend, is because I can't be honest with him about my sexuality, my likes my dislikes, my sexcapades..those are the most fun!
 I think what I'm afraid of right now is that maybe she doesn't know what she wants, or maybe her feelings aren't the same, I know she's knew in this game, and we've already been together twice but it wasn't planned, but It was one of those moments I will never forget, I hope the next time although different since she's confessed to wanting a one on one thing with me, and not in an orgy setting, will be good, it will be more passionate, the desire is already intense on my part, still unsure of hers....tell me how feel?
 You asked me since when have I known I was attracted to girls, since I was fifteen, the thoughts we there I felt like I was 2 different ppl, the boys loved me, I was popular, never a dull moment, I did my crazy things as an adolescent, I don't regret anything. My first love at 13.....My first relationship or sexual encounter with a female was 11 years ago I was 22 she taught me things that I never thought possible and only then did I realise what was missing in my life, I'm happy now with myself, I have lived my fantasies out well maybe the last thing would be to sleep with two men at the same time....but other than that I'm content..All I want to know is what makes you happy? I'd love to know your response!